Random Thoughts of...Opening Day

If they call it Opening Day, why do they close the concession stands right after the game?...Sushi..Nothing says, "Hey, welcome to America's game! Enjoy!" like a big plate of Sushi...For my money, I think the ceremonial first pitch should count for real...Pinstripes make me look thinner...Wood or aluminum...I never laugh when Ken Leccese says, "Hey, I've got aluminum!"...I want to go to Fantasy Camp for bullpen catchers...I don't think they will ever make enough Ben Gay to keep me stretched out...Give me Crunch 'N Munch over Cracker Jack...I can't stand that little dog...My favorite NY Yankees hair-cut has to be either Oscar Gamble or Joe Girardi...I predict that Stump Merrill will go down as one of the greatest Yankees managers of all time...I miss Ed Whitson and Carl Pavano...Italian Ice...I can't wait until they put up a monument of Danny Tartabull in center field...While they are at it, when will they finally give Tony Fernandez his due...Tony Pena...Metal cleats that click on cement drive me nuts...Speaking of hot dogs, I like relish on my ham sandwiches...Do not, I repeat do not put ice in my beer...I love the foam...A steak with mushrooms and a side of green beans is a waste of vegetables...Shag rugs in the locker room smell nice...I hope the Mets dye their field orange...3 words you will never hear from me, "Go Red Sox" or "I'm not hungry"...I think the next expansion team should be named "The Argyle Socks"...Ken Leccese gave me that one...Why do they call them foul balls? They don't stink...Mike Dubray gave me that one...What Mike knows about baseball you can put in his head...One final thought...Gumby....See ya...Bubba

Random Thoughts Of...Steroids

What's the big deal...Take some Preparation H and call it a day...Pain and itching is watching the Yankees try to bunt last year...Speaking of wearing a cast...Roger Clemens should put one on his mouth...A-Rod...Where to start...Here's the end...Fraud...Jelly Beans and Pepsi...Joe Torre should write another book...How to get fired by the Braves and Cardinals and work in broadcasting next to giants like Brian Delaney...Hey!!!!!That's me!!!!...Where is Chico Escquella when we need him most...I've got a sliver...I've got a song going through my head right now...Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?...I feel like taking a groundhog out but I think he'd win...How you like my new haircut...Pretty spiffy...Speaking of manicures...I need a hobby...Mountain climbing sounds good but I don't need to exercise that much...Toucan Sam...If someone came up to me and said, "Brian, you just won the Superbowl, what are you going to do now?"...I'd say, I'm going home to take a nap! Now leave me alone!...Does a person you can depend on wear depends....A dog, 2 pencils and a stick of pepperoni...One last thought...Ribbons...See ya...Bubba

Random Thoughts Of...Moments Of Love

Why do Valentine's candy come in the form of rabbits...A chalky heart that says, "Hey, You Stink!" says it all...My favorite love song of all time is "You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'" by Hall & Oates...Candles, Flowers and a Flimsy Negligee...I told my wife, get me some more cologne...My favorite scents are "Antonio" by Antonio Banderas and "Sex Panther" by Odion...Bend it like Pele...If you're looking for a serious romantic flick for your Saturday night, try "Fritz The Cat"...Dogs love that movie...If I could get serious for a moment about Valentine's Day...Enough already...I once applied for the job of "Mall Cupid"...I didn't get the job but I still have the outfit...It's my "Cupid Thong" now...Speaking of gnarly underwear, pitchers and catchers report to spring training soon...I love beef stew...I told my hair stylist the other day that I want a ponytail...I miss Janet Jackson at the Super Bowl...Don't whisper in my ear...I want some bubbly, Mr. Bubble...While I'm on the subject of Carnations, I loved their breakfast bars...That's true love...I need a pedicure...What...And you don't...To my one fan, Hey...In the darkest of moments, there is a light at the end and connected to that light is some moron that won't leave me alone when I need some "private time"...Why do you think I'm in a tunnel...Colombo...Matlock...Kojak...I loved them all...I would love a "Mr. Microphone" for my bathroom so I could do play-by-play with Ken...Love is fickle, funny, exciting, smelly, new, old and out of control...One last thought of love...Big feet...See ya...Bubba

Random Thoughts Of...2009

How about them Cowboys...T. O. should be a Cowboy for life...He has earned it...I don't know if my Yankees have enough starting pitching for the upcoming season...Any rotation with Ed Whitson at the top must concern you...Give me a 2 runner sled and an icy hill and I'll show some serious traction...A must have for any record collection is Debbie Boone's Greatest hits...We all miss her rockin' hits...Why isn't Air Supply in the Rock N Roll Hall Of Fame...They are getting jobbed...One of the best things about winter are Pink Popsicles...I'm thinking about getting a Mohawk...I'm part Irish...My best Christmas present was a pair of toenail clippers...Now if Kenny could only help me out with my signature call "Out in the Country" when a big shot is hit...My New Year's resolution was to go nasal hair free by February 29th...Chocolate flavored popcorn smells like butter...I put a new hole in my belt...The Steelers will not win the Super Bowl...I'm rooting for the refs...My sleeper pick for a 2009 TV hit-American Idol...It's the best show since "It's So Raven"...I wish they would bring back "Hello Larry"...Mac Stevenson was great in "Get Smart"...I want a double...Holy socks...Why can't chickens fly...If one train left Chicago at 2pm and another left New York City at 4, why can't I fly to Los Angeles...I don't have room for Jello...One word for you...Midgets that seem tall...See ya...Bubba